One night while in Rwanda, we went to the home of Ebralie’s sister, Mary and her husband Jean Marie for dinner. I always found that one learns more about a country and its people by having dinner in their home than anything else. Visits in the home give a window to the people far clearer than eating in a restaurant. I was about to learn that this fact was especially true this evening.
Mary and Jean Marie had a daughter named Grace. Mary and Grace were part of our welcoming party at the airport the night we arrive. Ebralie had told me that Grace was actually the daughter of her best friend in Rwanda before the genocide. Ebralie and her friend had both worked for the Presbyterian Church. In 1994 the friend was going to a church conference outside of Kigali, and Ebralie was keeping her four year-old child Grace while she was away. The genocide exploded while the friend was away, and she was never seen or heard from again.
Ebralie raised Grace as part of her own family, and Grace had lain with them in the ditch the night the militia had come to their home. Grace traveled with the Mwizerwa family for a period of time, then traveled with her grandparents for several years until reuniting with Ebralie years later. Because Grace was not their natural-born daughter, William and Ebralie were not able to bring Grace with them to the States. Instead, they requested that Ebralie's sister Mary and her husband Jean Marie take care of Grace, where Grace became a part of their family. William and Ebralie continued to keep in touch with Grace through correspondence and phone calls, and paid for her schooling as well.
What Mary and Jean Marie did in taking Grace in was common in Rwanda after the genocide. Many families took in orphans of the war, whether they were from family, friends, neighbors, or even strangers. Many survivors of the genocide felt it was a duty to help care for the orphaned children. We learned on our first day in Rwanda that one of the members of the Kanombe Church had taken in five children to live with her own five kids. When asked how she could do this, she asked how could she not?
At Mary’s house the night of our visit, Grace was celebrating her 21st birthday. Her actual birthday had been a few weeks earlier, but she wanted to wait and celebrate when Ebralie would be there. Because it was her birthday, she had several college friends there to join us for dinner. All of the friends were very nice, and I think they enjoyed the opportunity to meet and talk with Americans. They were curious to ask us many questions. They wanted to know what we found to be the biggest differences and the biggest similarities between Rwanda and the US. It was impossible for them to fully understand our two worlds, but it was fun to talk to them. Communicating with them was made easier by the fact that secondary school and college students in Rwanda learned and spoke French. I was fluent in French at one point, but get rusty if I don’t practice or listen to tapes. I had not expected to use my French in Rwanda, so I didn’t practice before the trip.
While I liked speaking French to the students, they asked if we could talk in English. The Rwandan government had just declared that on January 1, 2009, the official language of Rwanda was changing from French to English. The students understood the reason for the change, but lamented that they had spent years learning French, and now those language skills were being thrown out to learn a new language. After studying English for just a year or two, a couple of the students could speak it quite well. For the rest of the night, we would switch back and forth between French and English, as the limits of our language skills required us to search for the language that worked the best. It actually was very fun. Most of these students were getting degrees in technology or IT-related fields. I found it interesting that Rwanda was trying to make a push to be known as an IT provider. Given the limited natural resources of the country and its limited transportation infrastructure, IT seemed a reasonable consideration for the country.
After talking for a while, we all had a very traditional meal. It seems most meals included stewed meat with rice, fried plantains, potatoes, and either baked beans or greens. The main drinks were either passion fruit juice, or a variety of Fanta drinks. I found it interesting that Fanta drinks were popular. I remembered Fanta drinks being big as a kid growing up in Louisiana. They had all the old flavors I remembered, particularly orange and grape.
When everyone had finished eating, they brought out a birthday cake for Grace, and everyone sang Happy Birthday in English. As she blew out her candle, her friends and family threw water on her. I guess this was the local tradition, but I think my daughters would kill me if I did that to them!
Grace then began to talk, and a hush fell over the room. She spoke Kinyarwanda, so at the time I did not know what she was saying. She was very emotional, though, and it was clear that she was talking about her past. I found out later that she was saying how thankful she was to be there, and thankful for her friends and family. She said that all of her tears were truly tears of joy for all that God had done for her. She then began talking about Ebralie, and how happy she was the she was there to celebrate her birthday with her, and Ebralie gave her an emotional hug and then spoke as well.
I was moved that Grace could talk so passionately about how blessed she had been. Here was a girl that lost her mother at age four, and then effectively lost her adoptive family just six years later. She had seen and lived through so much tragedy. And she was thanking God for how blessed she was? With her background, how many of us would be asking God why we were so unfortunate? Not Grace. She was shedding tears of joy.
Grace’s friends then began talking, and all said how much she meant to them. Grace's sister Jeanette thanked God as well. She said she had been shot 6 times in the genocide, and at one point could not walk, but that she now walked fine by the grace of God. It was all very emotional, though again at the time it was all being said in a language that I could not understand. Finally, Jean Marie began to speak and said that he was so thankful that Grace had come to join their family. He said that she was the perfect child, and cared for the younger children as if they were her own siblings. He said her could not ask for a better daughter.
After all of this, with tears filling everyone’s eyes, Jean Marie turned to me and said he was thankful to have us as guests this night, and asked if I wanted to say something. I felt really awkward at that point. Being a stranger in their home, it really felt like I was intruding in a very personal and emotional evening. Nevertheless, it would have been rude not to speak. I told everyone that, though I did not speak the language, I could feel what was being said. As a father, I understood love, and I could feel the love that Jean Marie had for Grace. I thanked Grace for letting us be a part of her birthday party.
We all finally headed back to the Presbyterian Guest House for the night. It had turned out to be so emotional for everyone. The evening gave me quite an insight to the family and friends, and how the genocide continues to lurk in the background of life in so many ways in Rwanda. I again was thankful that I was able to get an unfiltered glimpse into life in Rwanda and learn so much at such a level that a text book or group tour could not reveal. I couldn’t help of thinking of Andrea, and how all of this must be affecting her. How blessed she and I were, and we were doubly blessed to be sharing this experience.
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